📚 Being an illuminator

We’re now a week in to our latest book, How to Know a Person from New York Times columnist David Brooks.

If you’re a part of our vibrant Bad Ass Bookshelf discord channel you’ll be well are that the conversation around this book is raging over there. Members have already shared examples of how they have started to apply the insights and lessons from this book in their everyday lives.

Much of the feedback as well has centred on how easy and natural this book is to read. Early signs but this month’s book is turning out to be a cracking read. If you’ve not yet started, there is still plenty of time left in September to join us in reading this book!

Not only is it an engaging and easy read, it’s also not too long. We hope you enjoy it.

Reminder: In our latest email, we let you know about the upcoming book launch: Toxic Grit by Amanda Goetz. If enough of us participate in the pre-launch (and register our purchase) Amanda will join us for a special one off book club call to discuss her book and the process around writing and marketing a new book.

If you’re interested, you can purchase via Amazon UK / Amazon US (physical / kindle) or in the US via other online sellers.

Remember to lets us know if you do, and to register your pre-launch purchase here.

We’re only a quarter of the way in, but How to Know a Person is already giving us plenty to think about. David Brooks lays out simple but powerful shifts in how we relate to the people around us. Here are three standout ideas that have really landed with us so far:

Brooks draws a line between people who illuminate and people who diminish. Illuminators have a way of drawing others out — asking thoughtful questions, paying attention to the small details, and making space for someone’s story to emerge. Diminishers, by contrast, flatten people into categories or overlook them entirely. It’s a subtle but powerful reminder that the way we show up in conversations can either shrink or expand someone’s sense of self.

On the surface, it’s easy to think we “know” someone: Their job, their background, the way they present themselves. But Brooks points out that every person is carrying a hidden interior world. Truly knowing a person means being open to that complexity, holding the idea that there’s always more to discover. It’s a mindset of curiosity rather than assumption, which is especially valuable in leadership and community.

Most of us think of listening as being quiet while someone else speaks, but Brooks reframes it as an active skill. Real listening is about signalling genuine interest, following up with questions that invite depth, and resisting the urge to rush in with our own stories. When done well, listening helps people feel safe enough to share more of who they are, turning ordinary exchanges into moments of connection.

Here are some great resources that David Brooks has put out it to the world if you’re thirsty for more!

We’re building an incredible community over on our Bad Ass Bookshelf Discord channel where over 110 of you have joined in the fun.

Here are some of the chats we’ve been having:

We're so excited to host our next Bad Ass Bookshelf bookclub call to discuss How to Know a Person at the end of September! Call details below:

Date: Monday 29th September
Time: 17:00 GMT (12:00 EST / 09:00 PST)

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